Sad Eyes
by whoresontequila
Summary: More than just her innocence was stolen from her that night. He took her star quality and really who was she without that? Can glee club help fix what someone else broke? Or have they lost their star forever? Warning Mentions of Rape. Established Faberry
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I know there are a lot of Rape stories out there but my friend recently went through this and I wanted to write something in honor of her. Hope you guys enjoy this and if you do please leave a review? Also these are in no way my opinions they are simply Rachel's thoughts. So please don't take offense.

Rachel sighed painfully as she woke up, wishing like she had the other two mornings she woke up, more than anything that the other night didn't happen. That it was only a nightmare, a horrible one but still a nightmare none the less one that she could just pinch herself and wake up from but the dull ache that had taken over her whole body told her that she had no such luck. She knew that she shouldn't really be going to school after she had been-

No she couldn't even think the word because if she did it would make it real and she did not want to make this real. She crawled out of her bed and slowly achingly made her way to the bathroom, last night she had stared at herself in the mirror for what had seemed like hours but it hadn't take the shock away at all. The entire right side of her face was bruised, her left arm was in a cast. The doctors said it was broken in three places. All Rachel knew was that it hurt like hell and sure made showering a pain in the ass.

She watched herself in the mirror as she gingerly undressed, she didn't want to look but she knew that she had to face this. She had broken two ribs when she had fallen against the curb after she tried to escape. Her entire side was a dark purple. She groaned, school today was not going to be fun and she knew that no one would blame her if she skipped but she had a perfect attendance record to maintain and she wouldn't be Rachel Berry if she didn't keep up with it.

Though in all honesty she didn't feel much like Rachel Berry right now. She felt like… a failure and she had never felt like that never in her life. She failed when she went downtown alone. She failed when she couldn't fight him off, seriously he fathers had wasted a ton of money on those self defense classes, and she failed when she just sat there in the alleyway and cried until someone found her. And surely she couldn't be Rachel, surely she was someone else right now because things like this didn't happen to girls like her.

Girls like Rachel lost their virginity in a dimly lit room full of vanilla scented candles with rose pedals on the bed. It always happened with someone they loved. They didn't lose it with a dirty, smelly man in an alleyway. It didn't happen. This kind of stuff didn't happen to stars and there was no doubt that Rachel Berry was a star.

Or was she?

No she wasn't and probably would never again feel like a star again. Last night more than her innocence had been taken, last night her star quality had been ripped from her. Who was she now without that? Who would ever want her again now that she was… tainted? Would Quinn ever want to touch her again? That was probably the worst part of all, she could almost deal with the rape… almost but losing Quinn would surely push her over the edge that she had been carefully balancing on for the past two days.

Slowly she made her way back into her room a found a pair of baggy jeans and a t-shirt to wear. She didn't have it in her to wear her usual sweater and sinfully short skirt. A soft knock on her door made her jump a foot in the air she hadn't realized just how on edge she really was.

"Come in." She said hoarsely her voice was practically gone from all the screaming she had done as well as crying.

"Hey Princess." one of her father's said with a small smile.

"Daddy." She did her best to smile back at him but she didn't really feel up for it, plus it hurt her face a little when she did.

"How are you feeling baby?" he asked his tone was soothing and it kind of made Rachel want to fall into his arms and cry herself back to blissful unawareness that sleep allowed her.

"Perfect daddy." She replied this time she actually did smile back. Really she should just go ahead and get her Oscar now because she sounded pretty damn cheery for someone who was falling apart as badly as she was.

"Rachel maybe it's best that you don't go to school for a couple of days."

"I have a perfect attendance record as well as a 4.2 grade point average to maintain daddy I can't just skip a couple of days my grades have a very likely possibility to drop."

"No one would blame you. We could have your work sent to you here."

Rachel didn't want to show weakness she wanted to be brave for her dads but it wasn't easy and it was a battle she was quickly loosing. Her lips quivered and her voice shook as she answered him.

"Perhaps I could attend my first period class and see how it goes from there?" She suggested because she was sure that if she spent any more time at home she would go stir crazy with nothing to do, nothing to get her mind off the events of Friday night. What she really wanted was to see her girlfriend but at the same time she didn't.

"What ever you want is fine with us. We've both taken the day off so we can take you to school and pick you up at anytime if that's what you need. " He dad said as he came to stand beside her daddy.

Honestly she didn't want to go to school a slushy in the face today but she couldn't just let her parents watch her like a hawk. So she nodded sealed her self off to the emotions that where coursing through her body at an alarming rate. One second she was so incredibly sad and disappointed the next she was livid. It was all so confusing to her. The only emotion that stayed constant was hopelessness, and the thought that this was undoubtedly her fault.

"I'm going to… finish getting ready. I will be down stairs in a few."

They both nodded and right as they closed the door her daddy smiled brightly at her. "Oh and Ray… we made your favorite! Star shaped pancakes."

"I'm not hungry." She mumbled as she disappeared into her bathroom.

Rachel was sitting in her father's car in the parking lot of McKinley high when her panic attack hit her. Her breathing became labored as her heart started beating so fast it made her light headed. She knew what was happening almost immediately she was hyperventilating at the sight of her high school. The very thought of going in there and facing all those people who hated her now, the thought of facing the girl who would surely reject her when she found out what happened made her sick.

"Rachel are you okay?" Her dad asked looking back at her his eyes widened. Rachel was well aware that when a panic attack like this hit she broke out in hives that coupled with her bruised face that for the most part Rachel had successfully hidden , (really there was only so much she could have done,) must have been quite and alarming sight.

"I… Can't" She choked out tears rolling freely down her cheeks So much for maintaining her composer. What kind of actress was she going to be if she couldn't pretend like she wasn't panicking?

"That's perfectly fine honey"

Rachel nodded completely ashamed of herself but relived that she didn't have to go to school. She spent the rest of the day in her bed with her bedroom door locked.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you for all your reviews :) I'm trying to get these chapters up as fast as I can but My computer doesn't have internet :( So I do it when I can. Please leave me a review and let me know what you think?

Quinn Fabray shifted uneasily in her seat all weekend she had been texting and calling Rachel nonstop and she wouldn't pick up the phone. Yeah they had a really big fallout Friday night but usually they both took a night to cool down and then the next day everything would be fine. But Rachel had either skipped (which Quinn couldn't fathom) or she was doing a fantastic job at avoiding her. Was this Rachel's way of ending things with her?

"Hey where's midget it's not like her to be so late." If she hadn't heard the mocking in San's tone she would have swore that the Latina had been concerned about their fellow glee member. Quinn looked at one of her best friends her patents HBIC glare firmly in place which only really earned an eye roll and a shoulder shrug.

"I haven't seen her all day." Fin mumbled looking down at his feet. Really her heart went out for the poor guy two of his girlfriends suddenly dating, one who he wasn't quite over yet. If she wasn't so blissfully happy she would feel a little bad for stealing his girl, but she was happy… or she had been, so she really didn't care.

"How about you Quinn?" Puck asked quinn met his eyes and shook her head sadly, other than her Puck was the only other person who was actually close to Rachel.

"What about this weekend? Did you guys spend the weekend together?" He asked "I called to see if she wanted to help me work for my song for sectionals but she didn't pick up."

Quinn just shook her head if Puck hadn't gotten her to answer her phone than maybe she hadn't done anything to upset her girlfriend part of her was a little realived but another much larger part was beyond worried. Mr. Shue chose that exact moment to walk into the Choir room.

"Guys, I'm sure you've all noticed Rachel's absence today."

Everyone nodded.

"Last night she was… attacked. I'm not going to give out any further details. If she wishes she will divulge them to you. But I don't want any of you to push her for them. She'll be gone for the remainder of the week her dads are taking her to spend time with family." He took a deep breath running his hands through his hair.

"Now I know at times she can be difficult but she's a member of this team and we protect the members of our team right?"

Everyone nodded again, their was a kind of stunned silence going through the room. "So I want you guys to make it as easy as possible for her absolutely no taunting what so ever." He said looking firmly from Santana who had the decency to look ashamed of herself.

"She'll be hurting guys really hurting and we all need to show her compassion and understanding. We need to stand behind her until she feels like herself again and even after that. It's going to be a painful process for her. Can you guys handle that?"

There was a collective 'yes' to his question so he clapped his hands together and smiled. "Now I need a volunteer to take Rachel her school work."

Both Quinn and Puck's hands shot up in the air immediately obviously Rachel didn't want to talk to anyone so she wasn't just going to go over there without an excuse taking her, her work would be perfect. Puck obviously had the same idea.

"I'm her girlfriend." Quinn stated looking at Puck with a slight smirk.

"I'm her best friend." Puck shot back though best friend was kind of stretching it… then again considering that she didn't have any other friends it probably wasn't.

"How about you both take it I'm sure she would appreciated seeing the both of you."

Quinn nodded shooting a glare at Puck before she got up and crossed the room taking the papers from her teacher.

"You can go ahead and take them I was told they will be leaving shortly after the call."

Quinn nodded and gathered her things anxious to see Rachel for the first time in over three days. Puck was hot of her heals as she rushed through the school to her car.

"Look I would really prefer it if you didn't come with me to see Rachel, I would like a couple of minutes with my girlfriend in peace."

"I would really appreciated it if you didn't come with me Blondie but ya' know you can't always get what you want. Unless you wanted the Puckster because then you could have me." He said with a smirk and wink in Quinn's direction.

She made a noise of disgust. "Been there and I would really not like to go back." she said with an eye roll.

Puck shrugged his shoulders and the rest of the ride was spent in silence each of the teenagers wondering just how bad it really was with Rachel and what exactly were the details of whatever had happened to her, suddenly Quinn felt like a shitty girlfriend for not trying hard enough to get in contact with her.. If it had been Quinn who wasn't picking up Rachel would have been banging down her door until she came to it and insisted that they talk.

What the hell was wrong with her? It wasn't that she didn't care she just thought that Rachel needed her space and she wanted to give that to her but now she was regretting it.

"Stop beating yourself up Quinn." Puck said quietly taking her hand in his to offer her some comfort. "I didn't stop by to make sure she was okay either."

"The thing is Noah it's kind of my Job to be there no matter what stupid fight we have." She sighed as she pulled her car to the curb in front of Rachel's house.

"You're here now aren't you?"

"It's not the same." she said getting out of the car with Rachel's books in her hands. Puck fallows her up to the door and knocks on it/ Almost immediately they hear someone running down the steps, footsteps to heavy to belong to the tiny brunette still though Quinn found herself to be disappointed when Leroy, Rachel's dad answered the door. He looked exhausted but still he smiled at the two of them.

"You have her school things, great we were just about to leave." he smiled

"Can I see her?" Quinn asked desperately.

"I don't know if that's a good idea…" He trailed off looking back at Rachel's other dad.

"Please? I just- I can't possibly go a whole week without seeing or talking to Rachel I need to make sure she's okay."

Leroy glanced back at John again and he came to the door. "I think that should be fine. Please come in…" Both men stepped aside to allow Quinn and Puck through the door.

"Can I just talk to her alone for a minute?" Quinn asked Puck who nodded and took a seat on the couch next to the other two men who had a football game on. Within the first five minutes Puck and John were focused to the game while Leroy looked more than a little bored.

Quinn took off up the stairs taking them two at a time, she was just going to burst through the door but thought better of it, instead she knocked softly.

"Daddy I told you I will be down in a minute." Rachel answered her voice was hoarse and filled with such sorrow that it broke Quinn's heart.

"Ray it's me."

Their was a long pause in which Quinn almost just opened the door. "You can't be here." there was a panicky tone that confused the blonde, they had always been so comfortable around one another why did Rachel sound to panicked at the idea of seeing her?

"Please just let me in."

The door opened and Quinn gasped, her eyes widening in surprise as she looked at her girlfriend. "Oh Rachel." She breathed lightly touching the bruised side of her face. Before her fingertips even made it to their destination Rachel flinched almost violently.

"What happened?"

Rachel looked down at her feet for a second and then back up at Quinn. "I made the unfortunate mistake of going downtown alone and assaulted by a man who stole my purse."

Quinn had to resist rolling her eyes at Rachel's typical overuse of words though she was extremely glad that she was acting like normal.

"So were mugged?" She asked slowly.

Rachel nodded praying to god that Quinn would believe her, she just couldn't let her know what really happened, she couldn't risk Quinn leaving her.

"Yeah can't believe I could have been that stupid." Rachel laughed awkwardly.

Quinn shook her head as she sat on the bed next to her girlfriend she ran her thumb over the brunettes lips avoiding the deep cut that ran from her bottom to her top lip. "God baby he really did a number on you didn't he?"

Again Rachel nodded tears springing up in her eyes Quinn's heart dropped to her feet and she grabbed Rachel as gently as she could pulling her into her arms. The brunette completely lost it, she hadn't cried since the night of the attack and it felt good to let it out especially wrapped up in Quinn's arms. It never ceased to amaze Rachel how someone who had once been the cause of so much of her misery was now the one person who could banish it all.


	3. Of Slushies and Suspensions

_A/N:Hey guys sorry for the long delay writers block was a bitch. I hope you all enjoy this chapter! As always please leave me a review I love to hear your feedback_

A week later found Rachel once again in her parents backseat bookbag cradled in her arms tightly. She was nervous, what if everyone knew what happened. And not what she told Quinn but the truth, what if she walked in thought the school doors and instantly they knew something was completely different about Rachel Berry. The bruises had faded a good deal but they were still noticeable, her ribs weresore and her arm still in a cast. The cut on her face was only just beginning to heal.

The week spent with her family had done her a world of good, all of her baby cousin's had managed to bring a smile to her face. She loved children, they didn't care what happened to her they just knew Rae was finally coming to visit them after months of being away. Sure everyone had been on egg shells around her constantly waiting for her to break down but they were there and they didn't ask questions or for details, her fathers had filled them out on what happened and no one spoke of it. Well except for her cousin Andrea, who was as blunt as she was. Rachel told Andrea every detail of that night, from the horrible smell of alcohol mixed with way to much axe and the hateful things he said while he was violating her.

Andrea and Rachel had been extremely close their entire life's, she couldn't not tell her when they had never had a secret between them.

It had been like she was in her own little world on her grandfather's ranch but now she was being jerked back into the real world like a cold splash in the face. Rachel knew that week away couldn't last forever, she had a life to get back to no matter how much she didn't want to get back to it. She had a girlfriend, and a couple of kind of friends. She couldn't hide in Wyoming forever.

"Are you sure you're okay to go to school today?" Her daddy asked smiling back at her.

"Yes Daddy, can't have my grades dropping to much can we?" She asked flashing him the patent Rachel Berry smile. It seemed to have him fooled so he just nodded and kissed her on the cheek.

"Bye Rae." He said sadly.

Rachel smiled "Bye daddy, tell dad I love him." With that she jumped out of her dads truck and started walking toward the front doors of the school getting a few odd looks from students around her, she knew what she must look like, and yeah it was a little shocking but did they need to stare? As soon as she pushed the doors opened she was flanked by two boys, looking up she smiled at them, Finn took the books out of her hands while Puck gently removed her book bag from her shoulder. They didn't say a word as they walked down the hallway.

That's when she saw it, one of the many football players had a slushy in his hand coming strait for her. Before she could even blink Puck had him against the row of lockers. "Look we've already talked about this, Berry is officially off limits. You slushy her and you've slushied me. And people don't slush puckasaures unless they have a death wish."

He dropped the guy and returned to Rachel's side wrapped an arm around her shoulder, "We've got your back my Hot Jewish Princess."

"Thank you Noah." She said smiling at both of the boys while thinking that maybe, just maybe she would be okay.

Rachel made it through the rest of the day without breaking down which was surprising to her, finally classes were over and it was time for Glee. She walked into the class and sat down without looking at anyone, though it seemed everyone was looking at her, but it wasn't the same looks she was receiving in the hallways. No one here looked curious and hungry for gossip the students around her looked concerned, worried for her. She wasn't sure which bothered her more, for once the attention craving Rachel Berry wanted nothing more than to become invisible.

Quinn walked into the class shortly after Rachel and sat down in the seat next to her, despite everything Quinn's heart soared when she saw Quinn walk into the room. The week spent away from her had been as hard as it had been refreshing, yes she needed the time away, the fresh air and her extended family but she also needed Quinn in a way that scared her.

The blonde Cheerleader leaned in to whisper something in Rachel's ear. "I missed you." She said kissing her girlfriend's cheek as softly as she could. Rachel visibly flinched at the close proximity, terror shooting through her like it did every time someone touched her but she smiled as warmly as she could.

"I missed you too Quinn." Rachel whispered back, Rachel scooted her chair closer to Quinn and laid her head on the blondes shoulder, and Quinn couldn't help but smiled softly all the while thinking of how much she missed her little Diva. Though she couldn't help but wonder, why had Rachel flinched so violently? Was she really in that bad of shape, or maybe the week apart had made Rachel finally come to her senses and realize that she didn't love Quinn anymore.

And if that was the case what the hall was Quinn going to do? Rachel was all that Quinn had, her parents didn't give a damn about her and her only real friend wasn't a real friend at all but someone whom she was constantly at war with. Without Rachel, Quinn had nothing.

Quinn took a deep breath and banished the thoughts from her head. Surely if that was the case then Rachel wouldn't have her head on Quinn's shoulder. She wouldn't have told her that she missed her too.

Later that night right after Cherrios, Quinn headed over to Rachel's. It was same as the night they left a little over a week ago. Her fathers had been hesitant to let Quinn in but after a full minute they decided that the blonde was exactly what Rachel needed at the moment.

This time however Quinn didn't bother knocking on the door, instead she let herself in. Rachel was already in bed staring at the wall she was facing with a blank stair. On the floor by her bed was the clothes she had worn to school today, stained purple. Quinn's hands trembled with fury as Rachel slowly lifted her gaze to where Quinn stood in the door way.

"Who?" Was all she said

Rachel shrugged a tear rolling down her bruised cheek. "Does it really matter?"

Puck, Finn and Sam were all suspended the next day.


	4. Of HBIC Personas and Hideous outfits

_A/N: Two in one week gets me lots of reviews right? Right? Come on it only takes a second and I love ya'll's opinions If you have an idea's for the story let me know and I might be able to do something for you guys. _

A month passed, a month that was spent in Rachel's bed while they watched reruns of Jersey Shore. Which previously Rachel had thought was a massive waste of time and quite possibly the worst show to ever be created. Something about being lost in other people's mindless drama, one-nightstands and stupidity allowed Rachel to kind of forget that she had trouble getting out of bed for school. It helped her forget that she hadn't sung anything at all in almost a month or even looked at her elliptical. Which had become more of a clothes rack than anything else.

Quinn was at a loss of what to do, she didn't know how to help Rachel get better. She had done everything she could think of from taking her out on dates, buying her flowers and everything she could find that was in the shape of a star but nothing was working in fact it was only making it worse. In the first couple of days after she had gotten back Rachel had been withdrawn, but nothing like she was now. She wouldn't get out of bed for anything except for school. Her attire was no longer sweaters, skirts and tights, now she wore baggy jeans (Quinn suspected they belonged to her fathers) and Quinn's Cherrio sweatshirt with her hair pulled back in a very messy ponytail.

Quinn sighed rubbing her face and looking over at her two best friends. They decided to grab a bite to eat after Cherrios practice since it had ended early. It was Sunday afternoon so they were pretty much the only ones in the restaurant.

"Is she really that bad?" Santana asked as she looked down at her plate of food. She didn't actually care about Berry she just wanted to know.

"S I told her if she didn't get her shit together she wasn't going to get into Julliard and she said whatever. About Julliard!" Quinn practically yelled getting strange looks from some of the waitresses.

"Wow that's bad."

"Tell me about it. Don't even get me started on her lack of caring about Broadway! We had backstage passes to Chicago and she didn't want to go."

"Shit." Santana breathed, by the look on her face there was no more pretending she didn't care about Rachel because she did. Even though she was extremely annoying with all her moping around and acting like a little bitch.

"I don't know how to fix her, she's just so broken and nothing I do helps. She won't even let me touch her. San I need you to tell me what to do."

Brittany looked up from her food and frowned at Quinn. "Maybe she just needs some sweet lady kisses Q."

Quinn smiled softly at her. "Maybe Britt."

"Midget needs tough love tubbers plain and simple you showering her in attention and gifts obviously isn't working" Shrugged Santana.

"I can't do that." Quinn sighed. "I was so mean to her for so long, I just can't."

"I'm not saying be mean to her. I'm saying make her get out of the bed. Force her to do it, I know you've went soft since you started dating her but you have to still have some of that Head bitch in charge attitude."

"I just- come with me?"

"Quinn no freaking way." Santana said stabbing her chicken with her fork. "Britt Britt and I need to go get our mack on."

"I want to go." Brittany piped up with a bright smile. And just like that it was settled Santana was going to the Berry residence.  
-

"I'm going to go up and talk to her first stay down here until I call you okay?"

Santana nodded and Quinn slowly climbed up the stairs when she got to Rachels room she found the same thing she did every time she had walked up there. Rachel laying in the bed watching t.v. with a vacant look on her face. Quinn sighed softly when her girlfriend didn't even look up at her. So she picked up the remote and hit the off button. Still Rachel didn't look up so she made her way to the side of the bed and getally took Rachel's face in her hands.

"Baby, you know I love you right?"

Rachel nodded.

"I need you to tell me how to fix this. Tell me what to do and I will do it okay? Want me to leave and never come back?"

"No!" Rachel suddenly exclaimed. "Please don't."

"I don't want to but it that's what you wanted… I would do it. I just want you to be happy again and I have no idea how to help you. I don't even know what's going on with you right now because you won't talk to me. Please baby talk to me tell me what to do." Tears were rolling down Quinn's pale cheeks and her voice shook.

"I don't- I don't know." Rachel admitted.

The door burst open with a loud bang making the two girls jump. Santana stood in the door way her bitch face firmly in place, hands on hips. Brittany stood behind her smiling and waving.

"Alright I've had enough Berry get up."

"No." Rachel said firmly as she wiped the tears off of her face.

"Yes."

"No."

"Look this is getting old real fast. Get your ass up."

"No Santana."

Santana practically growled at the fellow brunette as she walked over to the bed and jumped up on it. She kicked Rachel in her good side, not to hard just enough to be bothersome.

"Get up! Get up get up!" Santana yelled Rachel screamed in anger and got out of the bed. Whiping around to glare at Santana.

"You have no idea how I feel right now! You have no idea what's going on Lopez so leave me alone!" She was screaming so loudly that her father's came to the door. Anger tears threatened to fall.

"You may be able to give Quinn that bullshit but I'm not buying Rachel. We aren't leaving you alone because we care about you. I'm not going to let you wasted away into nothing." Santana yelledback briefly wondering why the Berry men hadn't kicked her out yet.

"Why do you even care? You hate me!"

"Quinn doesn't." Santana said softly not willing to admit that she actually like Rachel. "Now get your ass in the shower put on one of those hideous outfits that makes you look like a poorly dressed two year old we're going out tonight and you are going to have fun."

Rachel nodded and disappeared into the bathroom.

As Santana made her way out of the bedroom, one of Rachel's father's stopped her.

"Thank you." He whispered and for a second Santana thought he looked like he might cry.

"I- Quinn made me do it." _  
_


	5. Confessions and Jersey Shore

Quinn fallowed her friend out of Rachel's bedroom and into the Berry's living room where Santana fell onto the couch. As thankful and happy as she was that Rachel was out of the bed she couldn't help but feel like the worst girlfriend on the planet, Santana had done something in ten minutes that Quinn was unable to accomplish in a month what kind of girlfriend was she if she couldn't even get Rachel out of a bed? A horrible on without a doubt, she felt so helpless and heart broken. Seeing Rachel so upset was the worst feeling.

"Stop beating yourself up." Santana said softly covering Quinn's hand with her own.

"I'm not-" started Quinn but Santana interrupted her.

"Don't even bother lying to me tubbers we grew up together." Replied the brunette. "You did the best you could, you were there for her and supportive but sometimes as much as they need someone to just be there they also need a little shove you know?"

Quinn nodded running her fingers though her blonde curls. "Thank you San I have no idea what I would do without you."

Santana laughed. "Probably be stuck up in Berry's room with a smelly girlfriend watching Jersey shore reruns for the millionth time."

Quinn laughed right along with her. "If I watch one more episode I'm going too loose it."

"I kind of love that show.", Brittany and Santana piped up at the same time. Quinn raised and eyebrow at her fellow cherrios. They both just shrugged.

"It's funny, I mean they are just so stupid it's entertaining."

"You would like Jersey Shore S." Quinn snorted earning her a hard punch in the shoulder.

"What the hell is taking the hobbit so long to get ready?" Santana asked all traces of supportive best friend had completely evaporated.

"I really wish you wouldn't do that." Quinn sighed.

"What?" Santana snapped.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Call her names, just because you feel uncomfortable showing emotion doesn't mean you get to upset my girlfriend."

"What the hell do I have to feel uncomfortable about?"

Quinn almost laughed at her friends predictable defensiveness. "You're not as cold as you thought S."

Santana glared at her but said nothing because she knew it was true, since she had come out and stopped denying her love for Brittany she just like Quinn had thawed out a lot. Sure she was only really nice to Brittany but less people got slushied. She just didn't really have it in her to be a cold hearted bitch because Brittany didn't want that. Brittany hated when Santana slushied people. Basically Santana was whipped. She looked over at the girl in question and smiled at her before she kissed her lips softly, earning her a laugh from Quinn.

"So _anyways _where is Berry?" Santana asked her glare back firmly in place.

"I'll go check on her." Quinn mumbled

Rachel sat alone in her bathroom floor eyes closed, knees drawn up to her chest. She wasn't sure how long she had been in that position but what she did know was that if she didn't get up soon someone was going to come check on her and god she hoped it was Quinn and not Santana. Quinn wouldn't make her go outside, Santana would probably force her out the door by carrying her kicking and screaming or something equally as appalling. How was she supposed to tell them that she was afraid? Terrified to go outside in the dark, terrified to even breath.

She knew how ridiculous is was for someone her age to be afraid of the dark but she was and the mere thought of going out there ever n with the three cherrios with her still scared her. Hell she couldn't even turn her bedroom light off without going into a panic. It was beyond pathetic.

There was a light knock on the door and Rachel breathed a sigh of relief, it was Quinn she would know that knock anywhere.

"Come in." She said her voice was scratchy probably from lack of the vocal training she had become so used to. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew if she wanted to get into Julliard and be a Broadway star she needed to start preparing for that, her future was slipping through her fingertips right before Rachel's eyes but she just couldn't summon the energy to do anything about it, and she hated that. A sudden overwhelming wave of rage hit her square in the chest like so many times before in the past month and a half, this man had taken everything from her.

Who was she if not Rachel Berry future Broadway star? She was a no one, a loser and he had turned her into that, no worse she let him do that to her. Hadn't he take enough from her? Why was she letting this unknown man take over her life and ruin everything including, or most importantly, her relationship with Quinn? Rachel was very aware what she was doing, what she was straining their relationship she just couldn't bring herself to tell the blonde. So many scenarios had gone through her head of how she would tell of her and all of them ended the same way.

In the end Quinn always left Rachel. Nothing was more terrifying than that.

Quinn walked in the small bathroom and sunk down the wall next to Rachel taking her hand in her own. Rachel laid her head down on Quinn's shoulder for a long moment they sat in silence. Quinn was wondering what the hell she was supposed to do now to get Rachel out of the bathroom and Rachel was gathering up the courage speak. Finally Rachel took a deep breath, squeezed Quinn's hand and began to speak.

"Promise me you'll never leave me Quinn?" Rachel practically begged.

Quinn's heart broke at the sadness that laced her voice. "I will never leave you Rachel."

"No matter what?"

"Yeah baby no matter what. Talk to me Rach."

Rachel took another deep breath, she couldn't do it even with Quinn's reassurance. "I have something to tell you but I can't right now I'm not ready. Tell me you understand?"

Quinn bit her lip wondering what the hell was going on but she didn't voice her thoughts instead she just nodded and kissed Rachel on the top of her head. "I completely understand I'm here when you are ready okay?"

Now it was Rachel's turn to nod. "I'm scared."

Quinn rubbed Rachel's back doing her best to be soothing. "I know." She sighed.

Rachel shook her head. "No I mean I'm scared to the dark, I get all of these flashbacks and going outside at night terrify's me."

Quinn almost smiled… almost. Rachel was finally talking to her, sure it wasn't anything big like whatever it was that Rachel wasn't ready to tell her but it was something and that alone was enough to give her hope that maybe everything with the two of them would be okay. Rachel would be okay.

A/N: Okay guys hope you guys enjoyed the 5th installment of Sad Eyes (heads up title may change to I won't let go) As always I ask that you leave me a review. They honestly make my day. J I will be going on vacation for four days so I don't know when they next chapter will be up as I won't have internet access. (Except for my phone of course.)


	6. Chapter 6

The next few weeks saw a vast improvement on Rachel's part, it seemed like Santana pushing her out of the bed coupled with Quinn's compassion had been just what the brunette needed. She wasn't all there yet, there were moments when Rachel didn't know that Quinn was looking that she just looked so unbearably sad but most of the time she looked okay, not good but okay. It was in those moments that Quinn doubted that Rachel was really getting better but they were so few and far between she tended to dismiss them.

Rachel was letting her hold her hand now, and kiss her though not nearly as heated as the kisses had once been. The other night she had fallowed Quinn out onto the roof and laid there with her head on the blondes chest for hours. Quinn nearly skipped home that night because of it. She was even starting to gain the weight that she lost back. Quinn was so happy with the small improvements the diva had made it didn't even bother her that Rachel hadn't sung a song in two and a half months. Or that the girls elliptical had yet to be touched, nor did it bother her that Rachel was completely ignoring her vegan diet.

Which really in hindsight should have bothered her a lot.

Rachel seemed okay though, so really everything was all right.

Right?

Wrong.

Rachel Berry slide down the wall of her bathroom and banged her head against the wall once, twice, three times before she pulled her knees up to her chest and letting her emotions get the best of her, all of this holding in a pretending to be okay was really getting to her, but it made Quinn happy and who was she to take away from that? Quinn… god Quinn was never going to talk to her again when she found out!

She should have noticed the signs but she chalked it up to being depressed, the sickness that wasn't morning but all day was because she was stressed out, her being sleepy all the time was because she was sad, and as for her having skipped a period… stress again. She had know that all of that could be symptoms of depression so she went with it because she wouldn't, no she couldn't be… pregnant.

Being pregnant meant that she couldn't go to Julliard, not that she cared anymore, being pregnant meant being stuck in Lima, Ohio for the rest of her life. It meant that Quinn wouldn't want her anymore because she would know that she had been raped and Quinn had already successfully avoided being a Lima loser by giving her daughter up for adoption. Even if Quinn could get passed the fact that Rachel had been tainted she wouldn't be able to face the possibility of being a teenage mother again.

Not that Rachel planned on keeping the baby, she had always been so against abortion but now everything seemed so different because she didn't have a choice in what happened to her. She wasn't some careless teen who didn't use protection, she was a victim so she had the right to decide she didn't want to give birth to a monster. It was horrible really calling the creature inside of her a monster, it wasn't the babies fault that it's father was a horrible person. She couldn't help it though, the thought of giving birth to that man's child made her physically sick but then again so did getting rid of it.

A knock on her door made her look up her daddy stood there with a small smile on his face, "Quinn is here sweetie." Quinn slid past him into the bedroom and grinned at her girlfriend.

"Hey Rachel." She stopped when she actually looked at Rachel whose eyes were red and puffy. She had been crying.

"Rachel?" Quinn said, Rachel looked up and met Quinn's eyes. The brunette looked nothing short of terrified.

"Whatever it is you can tell me Rachel, I will never leave you." Quinn said and Rachel almost smiled because Rachel almost believed that it was true.

"I'm Pregnant." Rachel breathed quietly.

Quinn pulled her hand from Rachel's and stood up, "What?" She asked as if she hadn't heard her correctly and surely she hadn't because last time Quinn check a girl couldn't get a girl pregnant especially since the farthest she had ever gotten with Rachel was a little under the shirt over the bra boob action and that was it. It wasn't even like it was recently.

"I said-"

"No I heard you I just don't understand how that can possibly be true, did you… Oh my god you cheated on me didn't you… fuck it was with puck wasn't it. I mean he watches over you and I just thought it was because you two had that weird Jew bond thing going on but it isn't it was because you were fucking him."

"Quinn I swear I would never."

"Then how?" Quinn yelled. "How the hell did this happen please enlighten me Rachel."

Rachel's fathers showed up in the doorway, all the saw was Rachel crying and Quinn yelling at her. "Quinn I think you need to leave." Leroy said sternly, he liked Quinn he really did but Rachel was clearly distraught because of her.

"You know what Mr. Berry that is a fucking terrific idea, honestly Rachel I hope you are happy with Puckerman." Quinn turned on her heal and pushed past the Berry men who looked a little more than shocked.

"Quinn you promised me you would never leave me!" Rachel shouted and it broke Quinn's heart with how sad she sounded but she felt so betrayed and so disgusted that she couldn't even look at Rachel.

"That was before you gave me a reason to." Quinn said quietly as she slammed the door.

Rachel fell down on the couch and pulled her knees into her body, he biggest fear had come true and it hurt so much worse than she imagined, nothing had ever hurt this badly it felt as if someone had literally just cut her heart out of her body, and suddenly it was official that man had taken everything from her. She felt naked and exposed as both of her fathers sat on either side of her.

"She needs to know the truth." Her dad said. Her daddy nodded in agreement.

"I think that maybe she does know, Rae. Maybe she has known for a while now and she just doesn't want to admit that something so horrible happened to the person she loves. I know it's wrong and she shouldn't have said the things she did to you but just like you she is a scared little girl deep down."

"What am I supposed to do daddy." asked Rachel she was surprisingly calm, maybe she didn't have it in her to really get worked up about anything anymore maybe she was so broken that she just couldn't cry.

"Go to her and make her listen when she knows the truth she won't run anymore, make her face the truth."

Rachel nodded firmly feeling a little like the person she used to be like a fire was lit in her again, she would fight for Quinn. She would make Quinn understand and she would make Quinn see that they didn't belong apart. She stood up and flipped open her cell phone and dialed Quinn's number she didn't answer but Rachel didn't really expect her to. With a sigh she sulked up stairs if Quinn didn't want to speak to her it would have to wait for tomorrow at school.

So she went to bed, but didn't go to sleep until the early hours of the morning.

Quinn had been avoiding Rachel all day going out of her way to not pass Rachel in the hallways and even going as far as to skip there second period math class, the only one they shared. And Rachel had been actively searching for her so to no anvil so when Rachel walked into the auditorium completely giving up on her search and she found Quinn sitting at the piano playing random little tunes she was surprised.

She was even more surprised when Quinn didn't get up and leave, she did however fix her with a cold stare. "What?" Quinn asked returning her attention to the baby grand she was sitting at, she was sure that if she looked at the brunette the carefully suppressed tears would replace the anger she was trying so hard to hold onto. Rachel was a very hard person to stay mad at.

Rachel swallowed hard she never said it out loud so it was going to be a little more than difficult but Quinn deserved the truth, and honestly Rachel should have told her from the start she regretted not telling her from the beginning but she was scared and rightfully so.

"It was… Um, do you remember that stupid fight we had over which school you would go to?" Rachel asked to which Quinn merely nodded.

"That night I went out with Puck,"

Quinn growled throwing her hands up. "I knew it! I swear to god I told Santana and she said "No Berry would-"

"Shut up Quinn!" Rachel snapped slaming her fist down on the baby grand. Quinn shut her mouth right away.

"I was upset so I called my _best friend _and he secured me a fake id, we went to this club down town and I got a little tipsy after a while Puck met some random girl and left without me." Rachel closed her eyes the hard part was coming up.

"All night there was this guy he kept hitting on me trying to buy me drinks but I told, I told him I was so in love with my girlfriend he wouldn't back off though so I left. I walked down the street alone and then I started feeling really sick so I kind of turned down this alleyway to throw-up. The guy from the club had fallowed me."

"Rachel," Quinn's voice was soft and understanding as she reached for her girlfriends hand. "You don't have to go on I understand."

Rachel shook her head. "No I _need to." _

_Quinn nodded. _

"_So the guy comes up to me and pushes me against the wall, he told me I was so hot and that I needed to see how a real man made love to a woman, and he was going to show me. It's not like the movies Quinn. You don't go to a little happy place and pretend that it isn't happening to you. It is happening every minute of it happened and I remember every thought every sound, smell. I remember what it fell like to have my clothing torn off and my… the feeling of something tearing, burning. Every single second of it haunts me." _

_Rachel bit her lip to keep from crying. "So no Quinn I didn't cheat on you I was raped and the reason Noah watches me so closely is because he feels like what happened was his fault." _

"_I am so sorry Rachel, I am sorry that this happened to you and for the way I reacted to it. I should have let you explain last night." She took a deep shuddering breath and held Rachel's face in her hands. "God baby I am so, so sorry." She kissed Rachel's lips as softly as possible as if she would break and Quinn was terrified that she would in fact break. _

_Honestly Quinn felt like she was breaking worse than before, how could she have accused Rachel of cheating on her. How could this have happened to Rachel of all people, Rachel who was good and honest, and amazing. Why did bad things happen to good people it wasn't fair, Quinn was rapidly learning that life wasn't fair, and she didn't like it not one bit. _

"_I am behind you no matter what Rachel I mean that. I really mean it this time. If you want to keep the baby then I am behind you if you don't then I will go to the hospital and hold your hand. It will be okay I swear I will make everything okay." _

_Rachel nodded. "I don't want it, I can't have it." _

_Quinn sighed. "Okay then I will set it up for you." _


	7. Fingers, Toes and Vocal Cords

If Rachel was being completely honest with herself she would say that she was stalling because she didn't let Quinn call the clinic until almost three days later and even after that she wouldn't let her schedule it for a few days after that. She needed time to processes what she was going to do, she needed time to be okay with it though she was pretty sure she never really would be okay with what she was going to do, it needed to be done though. What would having that mans baby do to her? How would she every survive it?

In the meantime Quinn was the perfect girlfriend, holding her hair back when she got sick, just holding her when things got to hard for her to control her emotions anymore. Which seemed to be happening a lot lately in the most inconvenient times, like in the middle of math class, or as soon as Quinn went to kiss her. Rachel hated it, Quinn hated it.

Rachel leaned against the door frame of her closet. What did one wear to get an abortion?

Quinn couldn't believe that she was here. She couldn't believe she was actually going through with this insanity. The idea of Rachel getting rid of the baby was sickening but so was the idea of Rachel having to carry it to term. No it wasn't the babies fault that what happened to Rachel happened but it did and she didn't deserve to go through anymore pain than she had already been through. She shouldn't have to carry the child of her attacker for another six months. If she did then she didn't need to go through having her child taken from her. She shouldn't know what it feels like to wonder everyday how she was.

That's how it had been for Quinn, everyday left her wondering how Beth was doing. Was the little girl walking yet? What were her first words and who did she look more like Quinn or Puck? Was her hair blonde or brown? Last month had been a year since her birth, Beth's birthday and despite everything that was going on Quinn didn't forget it. How could you forget the worst and yet the best day of your life? Under her bed lay a carefully wrapped hand crocheted blanket. One that she would never end up giving to her daughter but still it made her feel a little bit better.

Rachel leaning more heavily against her pulled her out of her thoughts, she wondered what was going through her girlfriends mind. Was she scared or having second thought or was she relieved about what she was about to do? Rachel stood up making Quinn grip her hand a little bit tighter. Rachel looked down at her with a smile.

"I'm okay. You can let go." Rachel whispered Quinn frowned but let Rachel's hand slip from her own.

Rachel walked over to the other side of the room and studied the posters that lined the wall, wondering why they would put the things up on the walls. Maybe to shame the women into not getting rid of there babies or to make them feel guilty when they do? When Rachel went for her first doctors appointment he told her she was about twelve weeks which they had already known but whatever. So she found the poster that told you what the fetal development was at 12 weeks.

_By week twelve your child now has a chin, nose, and complete facial profile. Vocal cords are complete and the baby can and does cry silently, the baby's brain is fully formed and the baby can now feel pain. _

Vocal Cords, the two words bounced around her mind as Rachel stood there stunned, this baby had vocal cords now. It could cry and possibly sing, maybe even on Broadway one day and it could feel pain, it had a face. This wasn't just some clump of cells that were invading her body this was a tiny little human one that she would be hurting if she did this. She would put a tiny baby through pain against it's will, kind of like how she had been.

She turned away from the wall and grabbed Quinn's hand without saying a word to her she yanked her girlfriend out through the clinic doors and into the chilly afternoon air. Just in time to hear her name being called.

"Rachel what the hell!" Quinn yelled in shock making Rachel abruptly drop her hand.

"Did you know that the baby had vocal cords Quinn? Did you know that? And fingers and toes." She started crying covering her mouth with her hand when she got control back over herself she continued. "And a face, I was standing there wondering what if my baby is on Broadway one day. Will it have my nose? Maybe my eye color, or my voice. It can feel pain Quinn, I was going to hurt my baby. I am a horrible person."

Quinn's gaze went from concerned to stern, she gently took her girlfriends face in her hands and kissed her lips. "You are not a horrible person, you were scared and hurt. You didn't chose this and no one blames you for not wanting to carry the baby to term."

Rachel shook her head, "I blame me Quinn." She whispered as she handed her girlfriend the keys and made her way over to Quinn's car. What else could she say? She did blame herself she hated that she even thought for a minute she could go through with it. Now what though? What was her path now? Before all this happened it was clear always had been. She felt so lost and confused.

"What are you going to do Rachel? Adoption?" Quinn asked running her fingers through the brunette's soft hair.

"What's it like for you? I mean I know how I feel being given up and all but how do you feel? What's it like for the mother?"

Quinn let out a sigh and kissed Rachel on the top of her head. She decided she would be honest because Rachel deserved the truth. "When they took her from me it was like they had… I don't know taken my arm from me or something. She was mine you know? I still feel those phantom pains like when her birthday came and I wasn't celebrating it with her, that hurt. But Puck and I we weren't emotional mature enough to be parents."

Rachel nodded in understanding, "What does it feel like for you?" Quinn asked

"At first it felt like she didn't love me enough to keep me and then it really felt like she didn't love me because of the way she treated me when we finally met."

It was Quinn's turn to nod silently in understanding wondering how it was possible that anyone could not love the girl beside her and also wondering if Beth would ever think of her like that?

"But I've talked to her a couple of times since all of this happened and it seems becoming a mother again has changed a lot about her, she wants to try to have a relationship with me again."

Well shit, what was Quinn going to do now?

A/N: Next chapter? A little Shelby/Rachel interaction maybe some Puck/Quinn/Bethness and also a good friendship puckelberryness :) Leave me reviews and let me know what you think about Quinn and Puck seeing their daughter again as well as Shelby seeing Rachel! Please I write you guys this nice little chapter write me a sentence? :)


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